Copyright © n.d. Safe Havens Interfaith Partnership Against Domestic Violence
http://www.interfaithpartners.org/
This training is supported by Award No. 2004-WT-AX-K072, awarded by the Office on Violence Against Women, United States Department of Justice. The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this publication/program/exhibition are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the view of the Department of Justice, Office on Violence Against Women.
Be fully present and welcoming (Remember the empty bowl.)
Listen, listen, listen (Remember two ears and one mouth.)
Hear and validate the story
Help clients connect to their own spiritual resources
Validate the client’s right to and need for safety
Refer to PFJCI resources
(Remember the coherent community response to domestic violence.)
Religion
Latin: Re-ligare
To re-tie, re-bind, re-connect
In the midst of the isolation that is a primary tool of domestic violence, religion, faith, or spirituality can help victims and survivors to re-connect.
Religion, spirituality, or faith may connect victims and survivors:
To a community
To a language
To their history
To their family
To their country of origin
To their memories
To their culture
To their Creator, God, or Great Spirit
To themselves
All this undermines the isolation that strengthens domestic violence.
Religion, faith, or spirituality may help victims and survivors to orient themselves in time and space.
Domestic violence is dizzying and disorienting.
Faith, religion, or spirituality may help victims and survivors to re-orient themselves, to find their bearings.
Domestic violence takes many things away: job, home, family, friends, neighborhood, congregation.
Faith, religion, or spirituality may be a resource that victims and survivors can carry within themselves that no one can take away.
Because of shame, fear, isolation, and danger, it is extremely difficult for survivors of domestic violence to reach out for help.
“Each year more abuse victims, perpetrators, and family members seek help from clergy and religious leaders than all other helping professionals combined.” Horton, Anne L. and Judith A. Williamson, “Abuse and Religion: When Praying Isn’t Enough,” Lexington, MA: Lexington, 1998, Preface.
Religious, faith-based, and spiritual communities often provide these informal, nonjudgmental, helping relationship that may help PFJCI clients access formal help and maintain safety and stability.
Abusers need professional help from certified batterers’ intervention specialists in order to change their abusive behavior.
“More perpetrators complete treatment programs when referred by their churches [mosques, temples, synagogues].” Nason-Clark, Nancy, and Nancy Murphy, “Celebrating the Graduates: An Exploration in the Nature and Extent of Change in the Lives of Men Who Have Graduated from a Batterers Program,” Paper presented to Northwest Family Life Board of Directors, Seattle, WA: 2003, quoted in Murphy, Nancy A., God’s Reconciling Love: A Pastor’s Handbook on Domestic Violence, FaithTrust Institute, Seattle, WA, 2003, p. 22.
Why offer spiritual care?
Because victims and survivors of domestic violence may desperately need respectful spiritual care to reconnect, to re-orient, to heal, to access help.
PFJCI Chaplaincy Services volunteers may also serve many clients who claim no faith or religion, but who need to be heard and affirmed.
PFJCI Chaplaincy Services will serve all clients, regardless of whether they practice a faith.
“The role of the spiritual care provider is not to shelter people or to help them [avoid their problems], but to assist them in drawing upon their spiritual resources in the midst of their pain.” Helping People Through Grief, Delores Kuenning
We are client-centered.
The client will set the spiritual agenda.
What language and imagery is important to my client? I will be aware of and sensitive to that language and imagery.
Where has my client turned in the past for solace and support?
Which support networks, if any, can be accessed safely?
Which spiritual practices or disciplines have been important to my client in the past?
How can those be used now, in the client’s current situation?
What is life-giving for my client now?
Where did my client find spiritual solace, comfort, strength, and support before the abuse started?
Which, if any, of those practices or traditions may be reclaimed?
These practices or traditions could include prayer, scripture, poetry, meditation, attending services or rituals, guided reading, singing hymns, journaling, contemplation, music, re-connecting with friends and family (if safe) . . . .
Any inherently religious activities, such as prayer, worship, religious ceremonies, scripture study, or discussion of theological issues, must occur at a time or in a place that is separate from other PFJCI services, and must only occur at the request of the client.
How can I affirm the resources and strength present in my client?
How can I give my client permission to take care of herself?
How can I give my client permission to seek safety?
“Affirmations”
It took tremendous courage to come here today.
I applaud your courage.
Coming here today is an important first step.
This is not your fault.
You are not alone.
There are services here for you.
There is hope that you will find safety.
By reaching out for help you are doing the right thing.
A Word to the Wise
Never speak in a disrespectful way about the client’s partner.
Remember, many victim/survivors and their children love the abuser deeply.
Most victim/survivors don’t want the relationship to end, they just want the abuse to stop.
Clients may be asking:
“Why me?”
“Am I being punished?”
“Is this disaster part of a plan for my life?”
“Why is this happening to me?”
“Why are innocent children hurt?”
“Why aren’t my prayers answered?”
“How do I make sense of all this?”
It is NOT necessary to have the answers.
It IS necessary to hear the questions.
Help the client hear his or her own questions, and find his or her own answers.
By hearing and focusing on the questions, we help the client find his or her own answers.
Clients may be experiencing:
A faith crisis
A search for meaning and justice
A need for reassurance
Feelings of being divinely punished
Questions about core values and assumptions
Questions about the value of prayer
Struggles with core faith traditions
Broken connections with friends, congregations, family
What are some of the voices that your clients may be hearing?
Covenant and Divorce
Forgiveness
Suffering
Shalom Bayit, Peace in the home
Guilt
Family honor
Traditional family roles
Self-sacrificial love
Within the context of a client’s beliefs and traditions, gently and respectfully affirm and validate the victim’s need for and right to safety.
The PFJCI Chaplaincy Service should never be the end of the road!
Remember, as PFJCI Interfaith Chaplaincy volunteers we are not domestic violence experts.
Refer, refer, refer to the community service providers and law enforcement partners at the PFJCI.
Also, refer to local clergy from the victim’s religious tradition who have been trained to respond safely and effectively to domestic violence.
As PFJCI Chaplaincy volunteers, we are a critical part of the “coherent, community response to domestic violence.”
Questions and Discussion